Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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