so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
