You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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