Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
