Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
