I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
