I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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