i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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