then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
