Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
