oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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