On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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