So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
