i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize