i permit you to call me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
