put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
