So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
