i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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