I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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