i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
