It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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