I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
