i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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