Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm like, not good at living.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize