what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
