DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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