omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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