I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
