I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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