you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
