can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
