i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
