what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
