How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize