in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
