Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We need a shit load of segways right now
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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