Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
