if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i think my mom watched the whole time
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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