I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We need a shit load of segways right now
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
