Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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