Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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