I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
