This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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