But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
