so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
soo... how was my night?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
