don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
