If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
