dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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