Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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