And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
