It's Friday. Sex?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
