Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You made out with two different species that night
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
