Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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