And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so let's talk penis.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
