I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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