She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
