I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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