You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
