my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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