dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You ate ashes out of my bong
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
