Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I am spending my child support on dildos
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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