I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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