he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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