are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
