gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
