remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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