You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
